Marty was eager. He had never experienced white water rafting before and was giddy with excitement. His new girlfriend was such a thrill seeker, a quality he never would have expected in a highly educated, refined, absolutely gorgeous middle aged black woman. But this wasn’t her first or second time doing this. Her and her lifelong friends and her sister were veterans of the extreme. Marty loved that about her so much. Some people say wow, you’re full of surprises but it’s really evident when she came to me and asked;
“Hey, wanna go white water rafting with us this weekend? We have a spot we go to on the Deschutes River.”
Marty began to laugh.
“I thought you couldn’t swim?” he teased.
He stopped laughing because she was looking at him like he was absolutely ignorant and didn’t take her invitation seriously.
“For real?” He asked rather apologetically. His heart started pounding in his chest as he envisioned paddling through chaos, toiling feverishly to avoid rocks and deep chasm’s in the water that would flip the boat. He smiled and wanted at that moment to tell her how much he loved her and was so glad she came into his life. Marty was absolutely up to the challenge and couldn’t wait to show her how big his balls were when it came to stepping up.
“Does a fat baby drink Chocolate milk?” he said enthusiastically. “Absolutely!”
The morning arrived. And right on time, there they were pulling up to his house in a minivan playing some smooth R & B.
“Good morning ladies.” Marty greeted them enthusiastically.
“Good Morning” They all said un unison.
There were 3 women. His girlfriend and her two teenage daughters, her sister and her teenage daughter, and their common lifelong friend Lauren.
Marty got behind the wheel since he volunteered to drive. He didn’t mind at all; since he knew the area. Right from the beginning Marty was “feeling” the music, he seemed to know every song that was being played from their playlist.
“That’s some nice tracks ya’ll got going.” He complimented
His girl’s sister Joyce had her phone synched to the sound system.
It was about a two and a half hour drive through the scenic Columbia River Gorge; Up and over the magnificent panoramic overlook of Cape Horn, across the Bridge of the Gods and it’s scenic view of the mighty Columbia River; through to the Dalles, Or and down towards Bend, Or.
It was great to be amongst the ladies on this trip, it meant Marty was being allowed into their inner circle as they chatted it up about everything from serious subjects concerning life and life’s hard lessons, to trivial jokes about some old friends they grew up with up. They were a fun loving tight-knit group that were completely comfortable with each other, secure and unthreatened as they communicated their honest thoughts and opinions: simultaneously teaching life lessons to the teenage girls who hung on their every word. Marty didn’t say much, he was just enjoying black people being black people, something he hadn’t been around in a couple-few years since his former father-in-law passed.
It is notably evident that the landscape begins to alter as you go from a mountainous climate to the desert climate of the Dalles. The Evergreen trees begin to dwindle in number until there were only a mere spattering of them and then they are nowhere in sight. Only sagebrush, rolling hills and meadows sometimes full of wildflowers and an occasional crop Maple trees dot the landscape.
They finally turn off the main road and wind their way down to the Deschutes River. The event couldn’t have been planned any better. His girlfriend was the event planner for her and her possie. They tease her at times saying she’s like Julie from the popular 1970’s sitcom “The Love Boat” all she needs is a clipboard. The weather was perfect, nice and hot! Upper 80’s or low 90’s. perfect for a jaunt on down the river.
There were many other groups there. At least 10 or so groups of 6 to 8 per boat. They were checked in by one of the staff and led over to a crowd and received a safety brief, the do’s and don’ts. Like never take off your life jacket, don’t stand up in the boat, watch your paddles and don’t brain anybody with it, and of course, to follow the instructions of your guide at all times.
This was the ironic part. The guide they received was some twenty something girl who couldn’t wait to tell us this was her last day here as a guide and she was starting her new career tomorrow as a middle school teacher. A few cautious looks passed amongst them as they wondered why she would lead with that? It’s almost like saying I really don’t want to be here and don’t expect much from me.
We worked with the staff and wrestled the big blue rubber boat off of the trailer and got it in the water. We were given basic instructions on paddling left side, paddle right side only, paddle all hands, paddle hard all hands, and paddle in reverse to slow them down as so forth and so on.
Finally the seven of them were strategically placed in the boat according to who the instructor thought was a strong rower. We made a couple of gentle laps around the launching area which was relatively tame and calm water. Marty was placed in the back alone, as he was the strongest rower. His girlfriend was up front with her friend Lauren, and the girls were strategically placed next to an adult. The instructor was behind Marty in a slightly elevated position and had a paddle, she was to act as the rudder and keep them on track to safely avoid the pitfalls of the rapids.
As we began traveling downriver the water became very choppy and you could see the first set of rapids approaching. We were just paddling at a mediocre pace and weren’t being given any direction, so Marty and the group stayed in the middle and just rowed hard to get through it.
The raft dipped hard in the swells and water splashed and swamped the boat to everyone’s delight. They felt like they were in a living washing machine, as the raft was tossed side to side and pitched up and down; it was absolutely exhilarating! The rapids were churning and trying to force the raft to the center, so the guide had them paddle in unison a little harder to push through. They dug in, even the teenagers, and with series of dips and plunges taking the nose of the boat under the water they came out unscathed.
Wow, everyone was so elated. It was everything they thought it would be. We were high-fiving and patting themselves on the back. The river got a little calmer and they were told by the guide that we were going into a little tighter area, and we were gonna have to stay clear of the rocks. They headed into the washing machine again, but this time she wasn’t barking out orders and they tried to manipulate the raft themselves and put the boat almost sideways in an awkward position. The instructor realized it a hair late and tried to correct our position at the last second.
“Left side go hard!” She yelled out.
They responded but over-corrected and spun hard right and SMACK! Hit a big rock. This really jarred everybody forward and now the raft was being forcibly pinned to the rock by the current at this part of the river.
“Ok guys,” she said, “we’re ok, but let’s get clear of the rock.”
They seemed to be paddling against each other attempting to do so.
The left side was supposed to paddle back while the right side forward in order to spin them left. Instead they somehow winded up almost sideways and scraped some trees overhanging the water. Meanwhile the raft was quickly approaching some light rapids as they were struggling to right the raft. Marty even tried to direct the rafts motion himself as the guide was in some way distracted. She kept looking behind them for some reason and staring at her cell phone.
They were about to pass an orange raft, but they were in such a bad position with the rear facing the other raft. She finally noticed and in an attempt to turn our nose towards the right direction, she barked some last second commands. Though we followed them and dug in hard it overcompensated and launched the raft into the side of the other orange one.
They heard a loud splash, and someone yelled,
“Jimmy!”
Apparently the impact from their raft propelled a small boy into the river.
The orange raft personnel scrambled to get him back in, luckily he didn’t drift away from them. They held out an oar and he grabbed it was brought back in.
As they were watching the rescue unfold the raft drifted to a narrow and shallow part of the rapids that split the river. There was a large cropping of rocks in the center that the group paddled hard to avoid but they should have been guided left and not right.
On the left was a quick moving small rapid with a gentle plunge. Their raft picked up speed and lurched itself up onto this flat landing of rocks and ground to a stop atop the shallow rocks. They were grounded. Much to the amusement of the other rafts floating by including little Jimmy’s raft who all gave them sneers and head-shakes of consternation as they floated daintily by.
The guide leapt out of at the rear right of the raft and began to try and push and rock the boat clear. Clearly she didn’t have enough ass to accomplish this.
She grunted and in a very frustrated tone she announced,
“You guys have to get out of the boat to help me push us clear.”
Right as she said this, she slipped and almost fell, but she grabbed the edge of the boat and righted herself.
“And be careful it’s extremely slippery.” She cautioned.
Marty immediately hopped out of the boat and waded around to her side. The rocks were slimy with algae, but the rushing water was only up to his shins. He shimmied carefully over to the guide and found a big sturdy rock to push off of. He was now positioned left of her and on the right rear of the raft.
He then looked at the guide and counted them down;
“One-Two-Three!” And they shoved hard.
No movement. Marty surmised they needed a simultaneous weight shift.
“Ok ya’ll,” he yelled, “when I count to three next time, like, scoot your body towards the left of the boat and we’ll give it a shove at the same time.”
“Wait! I’ll help push too.” Said Lauren as she carefully eased out of the raft and positioned herself on the right mid-point of the raft.
She looked over at Marty and gave a head nod.
The guide did the countdown.
“Ok guys get ready, Three-two-One!”
Everyone in the raft scooted to the left and the three of them shoved forcefully from behind.
The raft responded, moving about a foot.
“Nice job, let’s go again. Three-Two-One.” She ordered.
The boat moved three more feet and it was getting easier.
“Get ready to hop back in and push off with the oars. One more good shove!” She explained. “Ready? Three-Two-One.”
They shoved and the raft slid gently into the deeper water. Lauren and Marty were waist deep in it and the hopped in followed by the guide.
“Ok you shove, and you guys row.” She called out. “Three-Two-One.”
The boat freed completely and floated past the rocks towards the center of the river.
Victory was theirs!
The rest of the day went without a hitch.
After a decent showing in another set of rapids, they navigated to an extremely calm portion of the river.
“Anybody up for a quick dip?” The guide asked.
“Absolutely.” Marty chimed in.
Marty immediately dropped his paddle stood up and dove into the river with a big splash.
BOOOOSSHHH!
Even with his life jacket he was immersed about three or four feet under the raft. He opened his eyes and saw the bottom of the raft. The water had a green tint possibly from the amount of algae and as he looked around he saw the sunlight radiating through the water causing it to glow this iridescent yellowish- light green, it was unexpectantly beautiful.
The cool crisp water made Marty instantly feel completely rejuvenated as if it’s salinity was pristine and had somehow cleansed his body and purified his soul!. Marty resurfaced feeling brand new. He made his way over to the boat and climbed back in.
Others took the plunge too; It was a fun day.
They had an uneventful paddle back to the riverbank where all the groups were amassed.
Everyone in the group were excitedly commenting on the pitfalls they had to surmount. Marty’s girlfriend and her Sister agreed that while this was fun, it was the worst rafting trip they had ever participated in. To get slammed into a rock, propel some kid into the water, and then get grounded on the rocks while others gave looks of disapproval made them feel like they were viewed as malcontents and out of their element. This left a discernable bitterness towards the experience.
Marty was in agreement to a certain extent. This being his first time white water rafting he was like a puppy, joyfully oblivious of the danger; you know an “ignorance is bliss” kinda thing. He felt challenged by the adversity they faced, and he was impressed how the group as a whole united to problem solve and “right the ship” so to speak. Despite their guide being inadequate, distracted, and lacking any concise instruction or desire to ensure they had the ideal experience, they still immerged intact and triumphant in their mind’s eye.
Maybe they were being self-conscious because part of being Black is having the self-respect and pride to excel at everything you do because society thinks you’re inferior and expect you to fail or be mediocre.
So was the guide was operating under this same mantra? It’s absolutely possible she didn’t have any inclination of teaching them more complex techniques because she did what a lot of establishments do, whether it’s a restaurant, or a retail store, or other business, they make your experience so terrible and so egregious to compel you not to return to their establishment.
Unfortunately, this at times is a successful strategy. If you find a hair in your mashed potatoes, or the server takes twice as long to serve your table, or the retail employee follows you around the store at a distance how likely are you to return to their place of business?
Or it’s possible she just wanted to get through the day and move on with her career, so she only put forth minimum effort. It could very well be a combination of all three She wasn’t interested in providing them with a memorable experience, carried a superiority complex seeing them as incapable of utilizing her expertise, and wasn’t fully engaged in carrying out her responsibilities on her last day.
Being unsure of the situation as Black people you don’t always get that confirmation that this was the case. Discrimination can be so subtle, and micro-aggressions even more so.
Whatever her “deal” was, her actions put a bit of a bit of a damper on the group’s day. Marty was told by his girlfriend that they should go again one year with a competent and energetic guide to get the full experience.
“Well, I think I checked this box, I mean, we didn’t flip the boat over so, I kinda see it as more of a win in spite of the guide.” He smiled and said, “But I’ll go anywhere with you Sweetie.”
“HRMPH.” His girl voiced and playfully rolled her eyes at him. “You should’ve led with that” She chided him.
Phil's News For Those Mid-Life Blues 
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